My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
