The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
