I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
