My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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