Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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