so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
