Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
