You're my little dorito
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
