also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
