My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
