Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
