Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize