i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
