There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
