I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
