So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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