your room smells of hookers.
And success
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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