Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
