cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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