Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
