when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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