I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
