im drinking this country out of the recession.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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