ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
