So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
