Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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