After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
