Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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