just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
