I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
