Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
