Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
