Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
