I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
