In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
