a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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