So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
