and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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