I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
