Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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