i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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