not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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