3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
