Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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