He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize