My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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