Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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