tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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