Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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