could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
