Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
