omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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