please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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