It's like God shit irony all over that family
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Houston, we have a squirter
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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