i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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