On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
