I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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