I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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