Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
