it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
