The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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