My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
