My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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