he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize